What's good about getting older? Absolutely nothing!!!!

      My grandmother is living proof at the moment that there is nothing good about getting older.  She has had two major surgeries for kidney stones in the last year.  This past weekend she thought that she had another stone and would just wade through the pain.  Boy oh boy was she ever wrong!  She had a case of diverticulitis that caused a tear in her intestines which in turn caused bile to leak into her body.  Bile is a nasty sort of beast that can make you incredibly ill.  As a result of this latest bout she now has a colostomy...in lay terms she has a stoma (hole) in her stomach from which her poop flows into.  Yuck, right?  Well it is going to be a part of her life at least for a while until she is strong enough to have it reversed.
     A few things that I have to share about my grandmother is that she has never driven a car and is the poster child for OCD.  She cleans constantly and is constantly on the move in her home.  I swear you could eat off of her floor because it is so clean but would feel terrible for dirtying it up.  She is quiet and has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  She doesn't have formal education but can cook like nobody I know (I learned from the best).  She was sheltered by my grandfather and since his passing she has looked to her daughter, my mother, for guidance for each and every step of  her life.  She lost her only son 28 years ago and has never quite recovered from his sudden death.  Nan is incredibly prideful but for all of these things I love her with all of my heart.  
      We all come to this point in our lives when time has flown by at the blink of an eye and we are just left standing there wondering how we got here.  Here at this day, hour, minute, and second is very sad for me.  I feel helpless and long to recapture that time that I suddenly feel has been robbed from me.  This is not just about me, it's about my mother.  She is left with the all of the responsibility of taking care of my Nan and I know that she is wearing down and feeling perhaps even more helpless that I am.  Today as she was leaving the hospital I witnessed the most touching scene between my mother and Nan.  Nan told her that she would never be able to repay her for all that she has done and my mother simply replied, "I just want my mom back."  I know that one day, in the blink of the eye, I will be wishing for my mom to come back.  (If you are wondering, yes I am crying)  There needs to be some sort of magic that just lets life stand still but that is not a possibility.  We all, at some point, have to put on the brave face and deal with aging and ultimately death.  
      I spent the day with my Nan and my mother finally got a much needed break.  It's been quite some time since I have seen her this sick but by the end of the day she felt somewhat better.  My two hour ride home was filled with tears and longing for those times that I know that I cannot have back.  It also allowed me time to ponder the good times I've had and all of the things that she has taught me.  It feels me with unending sadness that one day my Nan won't be here for me and all that I will be left with is memories and a few photos.  
      It really is sad how life just winds down and you have so little left after it is gone.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not counting her out but I am realistic that she has a long, tough road to recovery left ahead of her.