Being a step-mother seriously stinks at times

      I was lucky in that when my mother remarried my step-grandparents were all about being fair.  For some years I was their only grandchild but then my cousins came along (who were their flesh and blood relatives). Even after my cousins came along my step-grandparents were always fair.  If they bought for my cousins, they bought something from me.  We all received stones from The Holy Land, dolls from England, and folk art from Romania.  What was done for one was done for all and it has always been that way.  I wish that I could say the same for my in-laws but our situation is far from that.  There is favoritism even between the biological grandchildren.  It makes me really sad.

     My step-daughter has kept our family in constant turmoil for the past 2 years.  We have had sexting, false rape  charges, sneaking to see people she shouldn't, nude pictures sent via the internet and phone to various boys both near and far, stealing from siblings, and chronic lying.  I've been told that she wished I was never here.  I've been disrespected not only by my step-daughter but also by my mother in-law on several occasions.  The adults should be working as a team but somehow it is a battle.   My step-daughter has sucked them into her sob story of poor pitiful me and they have fallen hook line and sinker.  There has been a part of me that just wants to throw up my hands and say "go to it."  I feel for my husband because I know that he is truly stuck in the middle.  We have both tried to provide good examples for my step-daughter and let her know that she is loved.  She doesn't want love from me but I try to tell her on a regular basis that I love her but at the same time I will not tolerate lying and stealing.

     The reason for this post is to serve as a chance for me to vent.  I'm not sure what the future holds for this child.  I know that she is hell bent on doing things that she should not.  I'm truly sorry that her mother walked out on her and the boys.  I know that she is searching for something that I don't believe she will ever find from her mother but that is not for me to say.  I do know that she is a game player and tries to pit family members against family members on a constant basis.  We did some mandatory counseling after the false rape charges that revealed she may have a personality disorder.  As a result she was dismissed because as the counselor told us she has a disorder that requires her to admit that there is a problem.  I dread adulthood for her because as of this point she has not admitted that she has issues.  Every single time we went to counseling every thing was fine....  I'm just so frustrated that my in-laws feel the need to work against the Hub and I.

    But back to the unfairness, she was invited out to the in-laws (they didn't bother to call us and ask for any permission) to watch the big SEC game this afternoon.  There was no invitation extended to the other children just like last night when my father in-law took her to a blue grass show.  She is the pet and that is the bottom line.  As I've told my husband, when the other children refuse to have nothing to do with them it will be of their own design.  Needless to say, I'm very sad and angry about the entire situation but it is my life.  I've chosen to be a part of a blended family and this is just one of the many facets associated with being in this life.

Worry of the Worry Wart- What's your worry?

        I'm a self proclaimed worry wart and I suppose that is a family trait from my dad's side of the family.  My worry and anxiety seems to intensify when I have more than normal free time.  Today, for example, Hub is having to work a 14 hour day, three kids are here with me doing their own thing, and then Princess is visiting her grandmother (and possibly her dad).  Time is my enemy right now.  
        If you noticed in one of my previous posts, there are some not so nice things going on with her biological father.  To get down to brass tax, he has told her (via a phone conversation mind you) that there is a 75% chance that he is not even her father.  Crazy?  Ya think?    We have made some calls and found out that after the age of 13 a child can decide when/if they visit the non-custodial parent.  So after this fiasco she has not seen him, however, she has continued to go and stay every other weekend with my ex-monster in-law.  I understand her reasoning because she is pretty much all that her grandmother has (seeing as how her son isn't talking to her either).  But for some unknown reason last night after dropping off Princess the ex monster in-law decided to yell and blame a child for her bad relationship with her father.  How exactly does that work, I ask?  I'm not entirely sure but this seems like an instant replay of my paternal grandmother blaming me for my crappy relationship with my father.
        First of all, a child should not be held responsible for failed relationships with a parent.  It is our job, after all, to make sure that the relationship works and our children know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they have our unconditional love.  Secondly, since when is speaking your mind a crime.  Our children should be taught to speak their mind and stand for what they believe in.  If this child feels slighted by her father and cannot find many good things to say about him, then why should she put on a show and lie to inflate his ego?  She should not. 
        I've been told by my ex that he wants a paternity test but that I must sign an agreement stating that if she isn't his daughter he can still be a part of her life.  My response was that the only agreement would be that she could choose when/if she sees him.  I don't have a problem with this but I will not pay for a paternity test.  He has the doubts, not me.  Same as when we were getting our divorce and he questioned paternity.  The lawyers and judge put the burden of proof on him which suddenly caused him to drop the whole charge.  
        So, here I am on a Saturday afternoon with Princess two hours away and possibly seeing him for the first time since he lodged this complaint and assault on me.  All that I can do is worry.  I've sent my text to her telling her to remember that I love her.  To stand up for what she believes.  Don't fall for the sob story read between the lines of what you are being told. If you need to talk, I'm always here for you.  Hope everything goes well today.  Yes, I know that all those texts wreak of worry and anxiety.  I am who I am, a worry wart to the deep core of my being.  So I'm watching the clock tick away the day and worrying about what is going on with my baby.

What's your worry?

Where does the time go?!?!? Seriously!

      This time change is seriously messing with me today.  It's only 8pm and I'm sitting in the bed in the dark contemplating going to sleep.  That's so very sad!  I understand the reason why daylight savings time was necessary in the time when farming was big but we have electricity and we aren't up before dawn to take care of our animals.  The Hub, being the ever present optimist, says at least you can drive to work and it be somewhat light outside.   But then again give it another month and I'm right back where I am....leaving at 6am and being pitch dark.  I don't think my family truly understands that after getting up at 5am every day I'm just beat by around 9ish.  At least the dogs seem to be okay with this process and gladly burrough down in the bed to watch a little tele and then off to snooze land.
        I can't believe in just 13 short days the smallest clown will be turning 9.   For the first time since I can remember he has not counted out the days until his birthday in front of the entire family each night at the dinner table.  There is something to be said for getting older and more patient with life and the pace that life moves.  I'm just waiting to hear what kind of cake I'm going to be conned into making for this birthday.  I'm seriously hoping and crossing my fingers that he is not going to ask for the strawberry cake that two of the others asked for.   After three batches the last go round I think it is time for something different.  Maybe I can "guide" him into choosing something new.  And hope and pray that the other children don't influence his decision.
        On another note,  I am currently in a count down of my own.  In just about 7 days I will find out whether or not my insurance is going to approve for me to have a hysterectomy in December.  Not to say that this has been nerve wrecking or anything but it has!  In August and September I bled for over 40 days straight with no relief.  Of course since then there has been nothing but the occasional spotting and because of the Depo Provera shot I should not be having any sort of activity.  At 36 I'm at the point where I know that I would be at risk for having a child with Down Syndrome.  Not that this would be something that I wouldn't be able to deal with (because that is part of my profession after all) but I feel that my time for having children has passed.   I have four children and it would be unfair to them at this stage in the game to add another mouth that would essentially take money and things away from them.  I'm happy with my family and the fact that I only birthed one of those children.  I've been young while they have been young and have been able to keep up with them.  In 10 more years the youngest clown will be graduating and moving into adulthood so Hub and I agree that starting over now would be difficult and unfair to all the children.  It makes me sad that Hub and I don't have a child that we can call ours but that's okay too.  We've both just adopted the other's children and been perfectly happy with that arrangement.  I know it sounds terrible that I say that I don't want to birth a child with a disability.  No one does but I know that I have moved into the risk category with my age and I don't feel that it would be fair.  Granted had Princess had a disability I would have loved her just as I do now.  I have an uncle with Down Syndrome who I admire and adore greatly.  I hope that I've been able to justify myself without totally sounding like an ass.  I love my students with disabilities but I also know what having a child with a disability entails....it's a lot and I only have these students for 8.5 hours per day.

To my darling daugther

Dear B,

      The last few days have been so full of dramatics.  I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.  I've never in the entire time that you've been alive doubted that your father was/is in fact your father.  I've made mistakes before and after you were born but I was never unfaithful while I was married to your father.  I've been 100% positive of your paternity.  You are too young to understand the meanings behind all of this and even at my age I'm too tired to attempt to understand why your father has felt the need to do this to not only you but to both of us.  Last night on my way home from dropping you off I was gripped by this sudden fear that all of this will pull you away from me.
      I know there were times when I didn't do the right things as a mother.  There were lots of times in fact.  Those are times in the past that I cannot change.  In the last five years I've made it my goal to make things right with you and to be a better mother.  I know now that you are the most important and this is your time to live your life.  I can't change the past but I can do something about the right here and right now and make things better for the future.  Those are the things that are important to me.  There is no need to live in the past like your father has chosen to do.  The things that I did in my late teens are not things that I wish for you in the future.  I was pregnant by the time I was 21 and I loved that idea and the idea of having someone that I knew would love me forever.  You are that someone and nothing can ever change that.  I've tried to raise you in a way that you will always be able to see things for what they are.  It is my hope that you will be able to see things as they are and remember that I've always been there through the good and the bad for you.
       Growing up should not be this way and I'm sorry that this is something that has rocked you to your core. Maybe one day you will be able to see clearly why I couldn't remain with your father.  There was a time when he was a good person but those times are long gone.  I can not speculate on why he is the way he is.  I know that he is your father and that you will always in your own way love him.  I have no desire to taint the love that you have for that man, I want you to be the one who decides the dynamics of your relationship.  There have been times when I let my mouth get ahead of me and said negative things about that man but I've long since learned that that only hurts you and certainly does not make me feel any better about whatever the situation may be.
      Most of all I want you to know that I know the truth with all of my pea pickin heart.  I know the truth and I know deep down inside your father knows the truth as well.  I'm not sure what thoughts and hatred are driving this man but I am so very sorry that you have been put in the path of his fury.  No matter what there are lots of people that love you and will support you through anything that may arise.  You will survive this and you will be a stronger person in the end.  Pain somehow makes us better individuals and I know that you will rise above this.

I love you Princess,

Mom

Oh Skin Cancer, How I do loathe thee!

    This past spring I had a spot next to the side of my nose that I thought was just a pimple.  Yes at 36, I still get those little annoying pests.  I picked, my mother picked, and the Hub said, "Leave it alone!"  My step-mother took one look at it and stated emphatically that it was basal cell cancer and it really needed to be looked at.  Finally, September came and I decided that I had put it off long enough.  Sure enough the dermatologist takes one look at it and says, "Yep, that's basal cell cancer.  If you leave it, eventually you'll have a second nose growing on your face."  Of course, I'm telling him to immediately take the darn thing off.  But I have to wait until the week before Halloween (the end result playing into my costume this year). Mind you the dermatologist did not touch me during this initial visit but charged $120.
    Fast forward to the week before Halloween and this is what you get.

  

Princess of course thinks it was absolutely repulsive.  She would only kiss me on my right cheek the whole time I had the staples in.  

    Now I'm left with a slight scar.  I'm pleased to say that the staples actually worked.  I'm still hopeful that the scar will fade nicely into my laugh line.  

  

Rosie the Riveter (the beat up version)

Moral of the story is wear your sunblock!!!  Bathe in it if you have to.  Now I'm constantly on the look out for anything that looks suspicious.  I'm not a regular makeup wearer and typically despise the thoughts of lotion of any sort.  Funny part about it..the Hub says, "You know every summer I watch you cover the kids in sunblock and you forget to put it on yourself.  Don't you think that is sorta ironic?"  Seriously?!?!?!?  At least I put the kids first but I suppose after this adventure I need to put more thought into my skin.

What's good about getting older? Absolutely nothing!!!!

      My grandmother is living proof at the moment that there is nothing good about getting older.  She has had two major surgeries for kidney stones in the last year.  This past weekend she thought that she had another stone and would just wade through the pain.  Boy oh boy was she ever wrong!  She had a case of diverticulitis that caused a tear in her intestines which in turn caused bile to leak into her body.  Bile is a nasty sort of beast that can make you incredibly ill.  As a result of this latest bout she now has a colostomy...in lay terms she has a stoma (hole) in her stomach from which her poop flows into.  Yuck, right?  Well it is going to be a part of her life at least for a while until she is strong enough to have it reversed.
     A few things that I have to share about my grandmother is that she has never driven a car and is the poster child for OCD.  She cleans constantly and is constantly on the move in her home.  I swear you could eat off of her floor because it is so clean but would feel terrible for dirtying it up.  She is quiet and has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  She doesn't have formal education but can cook like nobody I know (I learned from the best).  She was sheltered by my grandfather and since his passing she has looked to her daughter, my mother, for guidance for each and every step of  her life.  She lost her only son 28 years ago and has never quite recovered from his sudden death.  Nan is incredibly prideful but for all of these things I love her with all of my heart.  
      We all come to this point in our lives when time has flown by at the blink of an eye and we are just left standing there wondering how we got here.  Here at this day, hour, minute, and second is very sad for me.  I feel helpless and long to recapture that time that I suddenly feel has been robbed from me.  This is not just about me, it's about my mother.  She is left with the all of the responsibility of taking care of my Nan and I know that she is wearing down and feeling perhaps even more helpless that I am.  Today as she was leaving the hospital I witnessed the most touching scene between my mother and Nan.  Nan told her that she would never be able to repay her for all that she has done and my mother simply replied, "I just want my mom back."  I know that one day, in the blink of the eye, I will be wishing for my mom to come back.  (If you are wondering, yes I am crying)  There needs to be some sort of magic that just lets life stand still but that is not a possibility.  We all, at some point, have to put on the brave face and deal with aging and ultimately death.  
      I spent the day with my Nan and my mother finally got a much needed break.  It's been quite some time since I have seen her this sick but by the end of the day she felt somewhat better.  My two hour ride home was filled with tears and longing for those times that I know that I cannot have back.  It also allowed me time to ponder the good times I've had and all of the things that she has taught me.  It feels me with unending sadness that one day my Nan won't be here for me and all that I will be left with is memories and a few photos.  
      It really is sad how life just winds down and you have so little left after it is gone.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not counting her out but I am realistic that she has a long, tough road to recovery left ahead of her.
    

Sleep, Where are you when I need you most?

    Today, for the first time in over a month, I have all four children under my roof.  I should be at ease and have some sort of peace of mind.  I've mowed the lawn which was a disaster....that's what happens when you don't mow the grass for a few weeks!  If only those darn sleep aids would kick in!

    It is 12:03 am and I've tried for the past hour to go to sleep.  I've poked my husband to make him stop snoring.  I've put the power chord to the lap top under the bed so that darn bright blue beacon won't light up the whole room.  I've listened to the deep sleepy breathing of the puppies, who could sleep through an earthquake.  I've changed pajama pants because the capri pants forced me to stay under the covers.  The RLS isn't even driving me mad (which normally happens). 

      I find myself awake, sitting in the dark, and blogging.  Not one of my finest moments but we all do what we have to do to get us through.  I truly hate it when you try to fall asleep and it's like your brain just won't cut itself off.



       So, what do you do when you can't sleep? 

Time is My Enemy

     Monday I registered two of the kids for school.  Today I have to register one more.  Next week Hub has to register the last child.  Where did the summer go?!?!?!?!?  This time next week I will be forced to join the working world after a blissful and somewhat productive two months.  I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm not going to be a happy camper about all of this.  I've gone into work several times this summer because of the BIG move our school just went through.  It's so much different going to school when there are no children there.  Of course, the new child coming into my class with her over zealous mother is ready to get the ball rolling and get the show on the road.  I understand that parents with children who are disabled more than likely tend to get a little more stressed than those of us with so-called normal children.  The thing that gripes me is that the majority of my parents with the exception of one or two are unemployed or on disability themselves.  That really is a frightening statistic when you think about it.  I hate to be so cynical but they are ready to have their days free of children.  Ok so I had to get that out of my system. Ten children in diapers and four adults should be able to get the job done, right?!?!?!?

Monday was a very sad day for me, by the way.  I had to go register Princess for her first year of high school.  We left the house in pouring rain and I just knew that was a sign that she shouldn't be registering for high school.  I now know how Hub felt last year when he registered our step-daughter for high school.  I remember not so long ago Princess was starting preschool and kindergarten.  Now she is going to be going to the BIG school and she is slowly growing out of being my little girl and becoming a young woman.  Back in Kindergarten we didn't have to worry so much about her OCD and panic disorder and life was just all around more simple than it is today.  She started in June worrying about high school and plotting to get enrolled in the state's new online education program.  Hub and I agreed that she had to do at least one year at the high school as a test run to see how things will go.   From there we will have to decide what is the best option for her.  I'm hoping that everything will be fine and she will flourish but I still have my doubts at this point.

Happy Friday, by the way!!!

Sex Education- Should it start at home or left to someone else?

     This morning I was browsing the Blogher  site and stumbled across an interesting question.... to educate our teenage girls about birth control.  I suppose that I have an interesting take on this subject because I was the product of a teen pregnancy myself.   Yes, I will honestly say that I have a more liberal view of parenting.  Believe it or not, my view is actually more liberal than that of my own mother.  Let me start by saying that my mother is 16 years older than me and I am 21 years older than my daughter.  Granted I have a college education and was able to finish my last year of college despite being pregnant. 


I'm terminally liberal in the rearing of my biological and step-children.  I believe that the more you deny and withhold (be it things they wish to do or things you don't think they need to know) those things come to be more desirable.  I'm not saying that I'm going to put a gun in my son's hands just because he wants one.  But I will share with him the consequences of guns and how damaging they can be.  I'm not going to give any of my children alcohol but will share with them the negative consequences that have directly affected our family.  Just like with my biological daughter and sex.  We have had conversations about sex and the consequences.  I'm not going to brush under the rug the fact that two of her 8th grade classmates were pregnant last year. 


Statistically the odds are against our daughters if we choose not to educate them and for that matter our sons who will be the ones copulating with other people's daughters.

• Every year around 750,000 teenagers will get pregnant. 
• Depending on the state, teenage birth rates are incredibly different. Nevada has the highest rate: 113 per 1000 and North Dakota the lowest 42 per 1000. 
• Unmarried teenagers having children account for 24 percent of all unmarried expectant mothers. 
• More than 2/3 of all teenagers who have a baby will not graduate from high school. 
• Billions of dollars are spent taking care of teenage mothers and their children and they are more likely to be in the poverty bracket. On the flip side, millions of dollars are spent in prevention programs.

Oh Where Oh Where Does the Time GO???!?!?!?!

    I feel like summer just began a few days ago but now it is time to go back into the classroom and start getting ready for next school term to begin.  In a few short weeks it will be time again to go back to the grind and I'm going to go kicking and screaming.  This is the same old song and dance every summer and you would think that by now I would be ready for the inevitable.  "NO!" I emphatically scream.  Even though I may have a few weeks left I still have the strong urge to lay on the ground and have a two-year old tantrum.  
    The reason why this is a blog topic is because I decided to drag my lazy carcass to the school to see how much damage had been done.  You see this is not going to be a normal start of a school term because our school has moved to a new (old old ancient) building.  The walls are covered in dried up hot glue, the carpet is stained and dirty, and the tiles are just plain gross.  There is an upside to this move though,  sadly this will be the first year that my students will have access to a play ground.  For special needs students a play ground has to be set up a little bit differently from play grounds for other students.  Because I have students who are known "runners"  we have to have a secure fence and equipment suited to their needs.  So despite the unappealing state to the building and our new room, the play ground holds great promise for my students and my staff members.  
     Now I have to attend to all of the paint that I'm finding in strange places.  I look forward to next  week and getting the job finished so we can get to the joyous task of unpacking boxes and finding proper homes for everything.

Sometimes.....

     Sometimes I wish that I was something or someone else.  Who doesn't?  I'm sure that we can all say that there has been at least one moment in all of our lives that we have made this wish.  The funny thing is that I have no idea what/who I would rather be.  No matter what/who you are there is always a down side.  So, I should be putting on my "big girl knickers" and just deal with what/who I am. 

     Today is one of those rare days that all of there children are somewhere else.  Normally I would be elated but being between pay checks that makes us flat broke.....I have crocheted dish cloths for my mom and grandmother and need to finish one more.  I have sewn all of the patterns that I own so no sewing to be had today.  I have counted $52 in silver coins (for what purpose I do not know).  Dishes have been put away and dirties have been loaded into the dishwasher.  I really should be making the weekly grocery list (since the kids have been here and there I have not done regular grocery shopping for TWO whole weeks) and meal planning since my dad and step-mother will be coming in for the weekend.  I dread that in some ways but in other ways I think it is good for my children to be able to get to know them better.  We only see them one to two times a year, which is really sad when you think about it in that way.  I'm not really all that close to my father and have not been for a really long time.  That's a story for another day. 

        This upcoming weekend will involve the hub working most of the weekend and me doing the majority of the entertaining.  They are my family so it's all fair.  He did help me last week by encouraging me to finally get a new bed (we've been sleeping on mattresses on the floor for the past two years) and getting new living room furniture.  All old furniture was donated but I was really embarrassed that our old couch really smelled doggy-liscious!  Yuck!  But since Hub is working most of the weekend meal plans need to involve something other than the grill....the last time I tried to do the grill was a complete and total disaster.  I'm still wondering how I escaped without burning my hair.....  I didn't realize that you should push the button with the lid DOWN!  I almost went up in the POOF of curly hair....There is a god out there and he watches over me!!!! 

          Okay I've blogged my complaints and made a bloggy list of things that I need to get accomplished!  The dogs are both snoring, the sky is grey, and the thunder is rolling....NAPTIME!!! Yeah right! 

Let the Fun Begin

    Today was the official last day of work before summer holiday begins. This year has really flown by and for that I am grateful.  This has been one of those circus years at work.  IEP's are done, my room is packed and ready for the move to a different school, and I've been called for jury duty for the first time ever in my life.  I'm not looking forward to the last item on the list but I will dutifully carry out my civic duty and hope that my name is not on the list again for a very long time.  I don't know whether to say that I'm looking forward to the break or dreading all of the many things that my children are going to want to do over the break.  
     I know that there are those out there who would swear that they would love to be a teacher because we get soooo many days off.  Truly I think they would be best advised to walk in my shoes.  
    The classroom is all packed up.  I'm going to miss my old school but hope the new "old" school we are moving to will be just as wonderful.  I've fought for a washer and dryer and hot water and hope and pray that both will be there when we go back in July to unpack.  I don't think we could survive without either since we are constantly changing diapers and washing soiled clothing.  Some things are out of your control and there truly is no need to stress over them at this point in the game.


    It was really funny leaving the building on the last day of school this year.  Closing the door on one chapter and waiting for what the next chapter will hold.  My trusty assistant and I could not resist the temptation to sing, "Happy Trails," as we left for the final time.  My other assistant thought we had gone totally bonkers but it felt good to bid our old building a fond farewell.  Now, to come up with a new song for a new beginning in August.  

Sick Day (not for me)

      And here I thought the pollen was not going to affect the people in my house but foiled again!  Princess calls around 10 and because the farm (where Hub works) is being inspected to become FDA rated it falls on me to leave work for the day.  I should not be complaining but economically it would have been a waste for me to pick her up, drop her off, and then go back to work.  Imitrex, zyrtec, and a nap is just what the doctor ordered.  In the mean time, I have cleaned the counter and made room for the new toaster oven, doctored the slow cooker cowboy beans, mixed up the ranch potato salad, and here I sit blogging as if there weren't another million or so things calling my name.  I left work and swore that I would work on paperwork but I don't see that happening.....although I will definitely complain later when I'm typing the words observation and task analysis data 15 gajillion times.  On the bright side, I get a little peace and quiet (NOT something that happens as a rule in our house).

      The Hub is celebrating his 38th birthday this weekend but won't be home to celebrate with us....(A soap box moment is coming on, BEWARE)  I should be okay with this yearly tradition of his.  You see, he and his childhood friend have birthdays only days apart and they have always celebrated their birthdays together.  Each year they pick something to do on their birthday weekends and this year they are going to a beer convention in Raleigh, NC.  I'm not jealous of the fact that I am missing a beer convention because I detest the taste of beer and really don't see the point in drinking what is essentially bread in a bottle.  My hips can't stand anymore carbs and if I'm going to indulge it's going to be the real thing.  I like bread real bread!  So to sum it up, my husband is going away to play while I wrangle the kids and trot them from here to yon....Whoop Whoop!

Oh how time flies....You don't even realize it!

I was just reading an old blog that I no longer use and ran across pictures of the kids from four years ago.  In such a little time my children have blossomed.  It seems so odd that they have changed not only in their looks but also in their personalities.  We've been through our fair share of trials, tribulation, and celebrations but to look back four years and imagine myself back then is truly awe inspiring.  I never really thought that the ride of life would truly be like a roller coaster with ups and downs and squeals of happiness and screams of frustration.  All that considered here we are and they are growing so quickly.  I have a hard time looking toward the future to imagine where they will be four years from now.  I want to magically wave a wand and make time stand still but I know that is not possibly and simply an unjust wish for my children.  There is so much out there in that great big world for them to see and experience.  I can only hope that they never forget that there truly is, "No place like home."  "Home is where your story begins and where you run to when the big bad world gets you down."

I Will Forever be an Aldi's Shopper

Weekly Menu for April 19

Monday:  Roast, Mashed Potatoes, and Green Beans

Tuesday:  BBQ Wings, Ranch Potato Salad, Crockpot Cowboy Beans

Wednesday:  Tacos and Quesadillas

Thursday:  Sloppy Joes with Steak Fries

Friday:  Little Caesar's Pizza 2 Meat Trios $8 and 1 Pepperoni $5

I made my weekly jaunt to the grocery store.  If I haven't already mentioned, I try to stay under $125.00 per week on groceries including what the children take for lunch and fix themselves for breakfast in the mornings before school.  I can't stay within this budget at the "regular" grocery store or even Wal-Mart.  I neither have the time nor the patience to clip coupons so Aldi is my next best option.  Thus far we have faired well even with the economy such that it is.  Below is the list of items that I purchased today and the prices.  My bill for 62 items came to exactly $111.84!  

Big Ticket Items:

 ground beef 5lbs.    9.58   

 Chicken wings 5lbs.-7.99  

  muti-pack chips-3.99  

  he Tandil laundry detergent-6.99

Lunch and Breakfast Things:

Bread-  .79          Shredded Wheat Cereal-  1.89  English Muffins- .99            Cinnamon Raisin Bagels-1.39

Milk-  2.69            Eggs-.99                                  Pre-Cooked Bacon 1.99(2)      Apple Juice(2)-1.19

Cherry Juice-1.79  German Coffee- 3.99             Trail Mix-1.99                           Granola Bars(2)- 1.69

Twinkies- 1.99        Fudge Brownies(2)-.99        Trail Mix Bars-1.89                   Oatmeal Pie-.99

24 count bottled water-2.79                                chocolate syrup-1.24

Cleaning and Paper Products:   

Dishwasher Liquid-2.49         

3 pack paper towels-1.89

50 count paper plates-1.99

Dinner Items:

  Frozen Green Beans (2)-1.49    

  Refried Beans-.69

  Cream of Celery Soup-.59

  Butter Beans- .69

  Kidney Beans- .59

  Cream Mushroom Soup(3)-.59

   Baked Beans(2)-.59

   Gravy Mix-.35

   Onion Soup Mix-.79

   32oz. Ketchup-1.19

    Ranch Dressing-1.19

    BBQ Sauce (2)-1.69

    Steak Fries-1.69

    45oz. Butter-1.79

    Sharp Cheddar (3)  1.79

    Shredded Co-Jack Cheese- 2.29

    Shredded Cheddar-2.99

    Taco Shells- .99

    Taco Mix-.35

    Flour Tortillas-.99

    Bacon Bits-1.49

    Sloppy Joe Mix- .99

    Hamburger Buns-.85

    White Onions (3 count)-1.49

     Baking Potatoes 3 lb bag (2)- .99

The fact that my children don't mind eating things that don't have a trendy label and they don't snub their noses at so-called off brand items is a wonderful thing.  I have childhood memories of when my mum and step-dad were just getting started in their marriage and careers.  Back then off brand was called generic and they always came in these gawd awful yellow packages.  I was mortified (odd because now I understand and it's all about saving money) when we pulled up to the register.....The food wasn't that great either!  Maybe it was those gawd awful yellow packages that made those things taste so bad.  My kids don't mind and when they have friends over (which is pretty often for one of them) it's not a big deal.  I have tried to convince several of my friends that Aldi's is the way to go but only one friend's sister has opted to try it.  Oh well, their loss is truly my savings!  I'm planning on giving my crockpot a good work out this week too!  Cowboy beans and a roast, just what will help me out through a busy week.

    

  

Spring in all of its Glory!

The basil I started from seed is actually looking good!  Honestly I usually kill any kind of plant that I try to raise so I'm rather pleased with this.

In a few short months we will have apples.  I thought the pink buds were just too hard to pass by.  Funny when the wind blew it was like a mini snow storm.

No birds but this bumblebee was exhibiting pollenation at its finest.

The is a better shade of yellow than all of the pollen that we have been seeing lately.

Such a DANDY Lion!

II am truly hoping that the pups didn't kill a poor baby bird.  I'm hoping this is just some of the down that the baby birds shed on this glorious Spring day.

Take note of the yellow ring around the tip of Sam's nose...I think he seriously thinks that he was a bumblebee in his other life.  He sniff sniff sniffs everything while he is wandering in the backyard.

Shot Received and Groceries Purchased all before 9:30

          My trip back to the doctor was uneventful, thankfully!  I didn't dare to ask to have my blood pressure taken again because frankly, I don't want to know how elevated it was this morning.  After a lot of consideration and a salad for dinner I am convinced that I can be healthier....I'm not talking drastic change but just enough to make a difference.  Now getting Hub on board to help me cut down my stress levels!   Haha I'm thinking that will be a totally wasted effort but it's worth a shot!  My hip is killing me right now and I had a really good nurse.
           Crap I hate getting older!  What can you do?!?!?!?

Getting Older Really (and I do mean REALLY) Sucks!

      

As a female visiting the OB/GYN is not my favorite place to visit but I dutifully go because I've fought a bought of dysplasia when I was but 16 years old.  Today was one of those days...visiting the "Cooter" doctor Princess so lovingly puts it.  She's been going since she was 13, so I know that she is feeling sympathy when she jokes about going to see that doctor.  For some reason I thought I would just breeze through the visit and be on my way.  Oh how wrong I was!  Turning 36 was not a big deal last month....until today!  Apparently my blood pressure over the last few years had starting an increasing trend....

      My paternal grandfather died of a heart attack in his 60's so this is really no joking matter.  The doctor (she really is a great doctor) says that the main factor she is considering is the Pill causing it but I'm not so convinced with this thought.  I think stress is a major factor for my increasing blood pressure....I tried to discuss this with my Hub but got more positive reaction from my mother despite the fact that she was kicking my butt to make sure that I get on top of the situation.  Hub starts going through my diet....I don't make fried food ever and I certainly don't make a habit of going out and eating greasy fried foods!  I eat vegetables every single day...I admit my downfall is bread and that is going to be an extremely hard habit to break.  I've started buying whole wheat pasta because I want my family to be healthy.  I don't get as much exercise as I should but with all of the activities that I run around doing I suppose..Oh shit!  I guess that is an aspect of my life that may need to change has to change.

      What drives me absolutely insane is that my Hub...no he isn't a small man nor is he a oversized man, can eat loads of salt with every meal and eats junk food daily but yet still continues to have good cholesterol numbers and good blood pressure.  Did I mention that beer is his water?  The man never drinks water!!!!  I don't even buy soda because I know that I will drink it and that it is bad for me.  Oh I know that I regularly go off of my Topomax just so I can drink a soda every now and again.  AAAAARRRGGGHHH!  (My youngest thinks I'm a nut because I really did just scream)
      With all of that ranting and raving being put out there to the blog gods...I feel no better just irritated a bit more than when I started this entry!  Getting older stinks...REALLY!  Ten years ago I was probably saying something similar but I was talking about the number and not the physical stuff!

Talented and Born in the Wrong Decade!

    Last weekend Princess was in her school Talent Show and did a beautiful job with her dance!  For a child with OCD and a panic disorder I thought this was an outstanding feat.  Princess danced to the Love Cats by the Cure.  Once again, I have to say that she just the most unique child.  I don't know where she gets her musical tastes but I'm glad that she is so diverse.  I listened to her Ipod last night and was amazed that she had classical music on her Ipod amongst the hardcore music...But I have to share her picture...like the proud mother I am!

Spring Has Sprung!

     Finally, I we have arrived to Spring Break!  This is just a tease for teachers and students alike but it is a needed break for all of us.  I have splendiforous plans for this break...self imposed work as it be!!  I have a sewing room that has evolved into a junk and hold all room that needs some serious help.  I honestly think I could be on that show Hoarders!  Well not I am not actually that bad but I do have this odd affinity for clothing and I just cannot seem to get rid of clothes.....Is this a sign of an addiction?  I'm pretty sure that most women have several sets of clothing.  I have three sets....fat clothes, not so fat clothes, and clothes that one day I hope I will be able to get into.  Not the most brilliant organization strategy of these clothes do I possess either.  I was digging (I do mean literally) for the Easter decorations and found an entire plastic tote full of winter clothes...honestly I can't remember half of them....The best was the red velour jogging suit.....

       Speaking of said red velour item...I have a conversation with my mother about the weeks agenda and tell her about this hideous jogging suit.  I was wondering what I had been thinking when I bought it...You see, I bought it when I was in my late twenties.  What 20 something buys an old lady suit?  My mother informs me that she had a brown velour suit that she purchased for $11.00.  Okay red...for Christmas but brown.....really?  Anyway, I think I may have worn said jogging suit twice.  It doesn't make sense when we are shopping and those spur of the moment purchases that we look back a few years later and think...What in the HELL was I thinking?  I think a Spring purge is necessary to cleanse the soul!  Or at least allow me to be able to get into my sewing room!
      
      Hopefully I can blog a little during this glorious break but I'm thinking my school work and the need to write IEPs will somehow make me tired of the computer.  Jokingly at work my best friend says (and shares her wisdom with others) that there is no need to speak to me during the months of March, April, and parts of May.  There is the mandatory one-on-one testing, writing of IEPs, and then the meeting on said IEPs.  Let's not forget Special Olympics and the final field trip....which by the way is still up in the air.  Money issues won't permit us to go to the beach this year.....the high school teacher has suggested a Luau at the local lake....I'm of the opinion that a nice trip to the zoo would be just as exhausting!  Spring Break just gives me an excuse to work from home....be it in my pajamas!

basil!!!!!!

But on a lighter note....my Hub was absolutely fantastic this year for my birthday...He finally listened to my request for a fantastic camera.  That was the highlight of this year's birthday....So to showcase spring I have photogged my tulips and the beginnings of my basil!  Yes I, the woman who kills most plants, has germinated basil from seed!!!

Snow Forecast

It is officially the last day of Winter Break!  Woo Hoo or rather Boo Hoo!  My littlest clown informed me last night that I have to go back to work just to get a vacation from them.  (I was not real happy when he said that but I put on the restraints and didn't pop him)  I can honestly say that I have accomplished nothing significant this break other than cooking cooking and more cooking!  Oh, I served as a Taxi service, does that count?!?!?!?

Now, I'm a believer in the in Old Farmer's Almanac and even checked it last time we were in Books-a-Million.  Where we live we never really see snow....there is this imaginary line that runs diagonally through the state that cuts us off.  My parents and grandparents, who live in the upper northwest corner, will get snow way before we get anything.  Each winter the kids and I look hopefully at the nightly weather report just to see if there is a snowballs chance in hell that we will see even the smallest flake.  Last year we had two snow days minus the snow!!!  All we can figure is that because it is such a sporadic event that the powers that be just decide (way early mind you) that just in case, we aren't going to be going to school.  Last year, for example, they called school off at 5:00 in the afternoon when there was not a damn thing falling from the sky.  All four clowns went to bed (finally) full of excitement and anticipation only to see nothing!! Do you hear me? NOTHING!!!!  Anyway, the Almanac has predicted snow for January 8th in our neck of the woods.....and because the Hub works for a farm they are religious users of NOAA....Guess what NOAA is calling for a smattering of the white stuff this Thursday evening!  Sure feels cold enough to me!!!!

Typically our family loads up and goes to see relatives in West Virginia during February just so the kids can play in the snow.  Fortunately, after a few days in the snow my kids and the Hub are ready to pack it in and head home!  We are truly southerners in that we like to see it for a day or two and then we are oh so glad to see it go....

When they call for snow in the South the craziest thing happens.....people rush out to the grocery for bread and milk.  I'm not sure why that is but it's always been that way.  If the weather man even hints of a chance of snow....there is no bread or milk to be found at the grocery!  Seriously, what can you possible do with just those two things?  If the power goes out, I guess you are left with naked bread and milk!!!  Go figure, it's a southern tradition that makes absolutely no sense in my mind at all!

With visions of snowflakes dancing in my head....time to get to business and get ready for a busy work week!!  Back to changing diapers and preparing young minds!

Jordan

New Year's and Resolutions

Well Princess has been dropped off with her dad!  That was a trip from Hell...well not the getting there but the actual being there for the drop off!  He's an ass always.  Enough said.  The Hub and the neighborhood boys are trying to blow up the cul de sac.  Usually the littlest clown is afraid and cries (even when inside) whenever there are fireworks anywhere around....I guess recently turning 8 has caused him to graduate to the Big Boy Club because he's hanging with the Big Boys.  Granted the house is quiet except that outside it sounds like we live in the middle of a war zone.  I'm not complaining because I like the quiet and it's great for the boys to have time with the Hub.  I'm sure the shoe is going to drop because I doubt very seriously that the Hub is shooting fireworks for the single mom down the street...I'm sure some of our hard earned cash paid for some of those.....Poof up in smoke!  I swear I'm just not going to ask, just let boys be boys and sit by the fire and blog and crochet!

Resolutions

Every year I say that I'm going to do this and do that for the year...does it ever happen?!?!? Heck no!!!  Maybe for a week or two but then back to usual.  Lose weight...well I did but not intentionally, it was medically induced by migraine medications.  I don't think I could even count that on a technicality.  I did resolve to work on my relationship with Princess (hence the Psychiatrist) and that has improved.  I've come to understand her anorexia, OCD, and panic disorder.  Those have improved a lot.

New resolutions.  A friend on Facebook (yes, that dreaded succubus) is doing 12 resolutions.  In reality one resolution a month would be more doable but not sure if I have that many things that I'm willing to face head on.  I'm a chicken shit at heart!!  My resolutions are definitely going to require some soul searching.  Cheesy resolution....don't sweat the small stuff....that would be easy if I weren't a chronic worrier!!  

Can you just resolve to just survive?!?!?!?