The last few days have been so full of dramatics. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I've never in the entire time that you've been alive doubted that your father was/is in fact your father. I've made mistakes before and after you were born but I was never unfaithful while I was married to your father. I've been 100% positive of your paternity. You are too young to understand the meanings behind all of this and even at my age I'm too tired to attempt to understand why your father has felt the need to do this to not only you but to both of us. Last night on my way home from dropping you off I was gripped by this sudden fear that all of this will pull you away from me.
I know there were times when I didn't do the right things as a mother. There were lots of times in fact. Those are times in the past that I cannot change. In the last five years I've made it my goal to make things right with you and to be a better mother. I know now that you are the most important and this is your time to live your life. I can't change the past but I can do something about the right here and right now and make things better for the future. Those are the things that are important to me. There is no need to live in the past like your father has chosen to do. The things that I did in my late teens are not things that I wish for you in the future. I was pregnant by the time I was 21 and I loved that idea and the idea of having someone that I knew would love me forever. You are that someone and nothing can ever change that. I've tried to raise you in a way that you will always be able to see things for what they are. It is my hope that you will be able to see things as they are and remember that I've always been there through the good and the bad for you.
Growing up should not be this way and I'm sorry that this is something that has rocked you to your core. Maybe one day you will be able to see clearly why I couldn't remain with your father. There was a time when he was a good person but those times are long gone. I can not speculate on why he is the way he is. I know that he is your father and that you will always in your own way love him. I have no desire to taint the love that you have for that man, I want you to be the one who decides the dynamics of your relationship. There have been times when I let my mouth get ahead of me and said negative things about that man but I've long since learned that that only hurts you and certainly does not make me feel any better about whatever the situation may be.
Most of all I want you to know that I know the truth with all of my pea pickin heart. I know the truth and I know deep down inside your father knows the truth as well. I'm not sure what thoughts and hatred are driving this man but I am so very sorry that you have been put in the path of his fury. No matter what there are lots of people that love you and will support you through anything that may arise. You will survive this and you will be a stronger person in the end. Pain somehow makes us better individuals and I know that you will rise above this.
I love you Princess,
Mom
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